Embrace Failure. People Will Like You.
You're a failure.
It's ok, I'm a failure, too.
So if we're in this together — why are we so afraid to fail?
You understand that failure is a part of life.
You're a grown up, you know that failures are merely lessons.
When you lose a job people tell you —
"You got this!"
"Screw them, you'll find something better!"
"Life goes on!"
But if you're anything like me — you wonder.
Are they just being nice?
Do they believe that it wasn't my fault?
What do they really say when I'm not around?
Do they think I'm lying? A screw up? An actual failure?
I've been fired 11 times
The first time —
I worked as a Page at NBC in Los Angeles.
I wore a uniform, led studio tours, and worked the audience at the Tonight Show With Jay Leno.
And I got a promotion.
From tourist wrangler to Office Coordinator — running the ticket office for the Tonight Show With Jay Leno.
My big break.
And one day my boss called me into his office and looked me straight in my smiling-new-guy-screw-you-I-made-it-face
You're position has been eliminated.
The network no longer sees the need for an office coordinator in the ticket office for Jay Leno.
Shame. Embarrassed. I felt dumb.
Worse?
I cried. In front of my boss. And sheepishly left.
And those thoughts rush in.
How do I tell my family?
How will I pay my rent?
How will I show my face to my friends?
How the hell do I get another job?
I don't want to pack it up and move home.
I worked hard to get here.
I've been yelled at by tourists.
I make crap money.
I need this dumb job — for crap money — to get the next job.
I don't want any old job just to pay the bills.
I want to stay.
I want to eat ramen and hang out with my friends at happy hours that serve free food.
I want to make it, damnit.
Failure has a way of keeping you down.
But you can't allow it.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. But do it anyway. Do it anyway. —Jason Isbell
When you need a battle cry — throw this Jason Isbell song on and let it change your whole perspective.
You need to flip your perception of failure and wear it like a badge of honor in public.
Why?
If you don't accept failure as part of the process you will become stuck. Getting stuck will begin to penetrate other parts of your life.
You will find it harder to —
Look for your next gig
Feel confident enough to start your own project
Embark on a new relationship, new skillset, new friend group, or move to another city
If you sit alone with your fear of failure you will lose confidence and feel more isolated and distant.
You'll miss out on lessons others have learned.
You'll miss out on funny stories and laughing your butt off.
You'll miss out on the free therapy that comes with sharing stories — good or bad.
You'll miss out on that moment when you realize —
"This ain't so bad."
You'll miss out on the respect people will have for you.
Because you're brave, confident and able to move past your fear of failure.
When you learn to flip failure — people will admire you, want to know you, learn from you, respect you, talk about you to their friends and family.
Hell, they'll even defend you. And maybe even hire you.
You have to own your failure in order to take control of your life. Your path.
Or you'll end up trudging along a path that someone else prescribes for you.
If you don't cut your own path, you may run out of road to follow.
And when that happens, you'll need the confidence to choose a direction and forge.
The Flipping Failure Formula
Failure will strike when you least expect it. Make it part of the plan.
Ask yourself, if this fails, what will I do first, second, and third.
Failure will happen for reasons beyond your control —
businesses change course and won't tell you
people go through personal things like divorce, loss, or health struggles and won't tell you
the effort you made isn't the right solution and you may never be told why
you don't have the experience or information to see that your method wasn't the answer
you're in the middle of the process and don't know it yet
the other person isn't ready for what you have to offer
and maybe you just screwed up
4. Give yourself space but pivot fast.
5. Remember. You expected failure at some point so you know your next move.
6. Focus on things you can pursue now because space has opened up in your mind and your schedule.
7. Embrace your Aha! moment. Now you get to reflect, learn and move on.
8. Share your damn story
9. Take action
Do we really need to make the concept of failing warm and fuzzy?
Maybe that's part of the problem.
Failure is a reality. It happens a lot.
When you embrace failure —
You own your story.
People will appreciate your honesty and vulnerability and they will like and trust you more.
They'll respect you for not giving a f*ck.
You'll make an impression. They'll remember you.
You'll feel liberated.
You'll feel more confident.
You'll trust yourself more.
Owning your shit becomes a habit.
You'll want to hold yourself accountable.
You'll stop being such a wuss.
You'll recognize when you're letting yourself off the hook.
You will want to fail more. And to fail more you'll have to do more.
Wow. Maybe failure is all warm and fuzzy.
Does failing suck?
Yea.
Am I telling you to suck it up and not be mad?
No.
I've been royally pissed after being fired.
Take it to the mattresses. I'm comin for ya — ticked-off.
I know I have a lot to offer. Why don't they see my value?
But it's just a failure right?
And we can't experience good without experiencing bad.
Now that I've learned to flip failure —
I expect jobs to end at some point.
I look at freelancing gigs, side hustles or business opportunities as experiences and I dig in and learn.
I've trained my mind not to sit back, but stay active — at the ready.
I'm more prepared to look for jobs. I'm always looking and keep my resume and skill sets sharp.
I'm not devastated when I get let go—even though—let's be honest — I'm still pissed.
Afterall, it always comes when you least expect it.
I was fired again, recently. Number 11.
Its what inspired me to lean in and write this article.
The best thing about being fired 11 times?
The pure joy and adventure that ensued because I had to move on. And now I have the memories, people and places I've had the ultimate pleasure of experiencing.
Here's looking forward to NUMBER 12.